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Death to Grief Comparisons!!!

As if the weight of grief wasn't enough, I've now come to the realization that I will also have to deal with grief comparisons. Ugh. There are two types of people who fall into this category: -The person who feels that they don't have the right to grieve as much as others. -The person who feels as if THEIR grief/personal relationship with the deceased is greater than anyone else's. Unfortunately, I've had to deal with a few folks who fall into the latter category. We'll just call it a "character-building experience". That's a healthy way to look at it...my therapist would be proud. After someone passes away, you realize just how many lives were touched by that person; everyone has a memory, a story, a joke...their own personal connection to the deceased. It would've been so easy for me to dismiss everyone else's feelings over the loss of my mom- maybe with a Kanye-esque microphone snatch, yelling, "I'ma let you finish, but she was MY MOTHER!!!" It would've been easy. But it also would have been selfish. I know that there are many people who were affected by the loss of my mom. I've personally stood awkwardly, witnessing the tears from Starbucks baristas and JCPenney employees. She was loved and admired by everyone who knew her, so why would I want to devalue their grief? The one thing that I'm constantly aware of is that grief is HUGE...and there's definitely enough to go around. If you happen to find yourself on the receiving end of comments such as "I know you're probably hurting, but he/she was MY (insert relationship here)" or "You CAN'T be more upset than so-and-so!", just know that you're not alone. You won't be the first to hear that type of nonsense, and you definitely won't be the last. What you always need to remember is that your grief needs no explanation...your connection was unique, and your journey is your own. Every day that you get out of bed before noon, shower, put on real clothes, make a therapy appointment and eat a little more is cause for celebration. You're doing it! Block out the noise. If no one else says it, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of me. Let's keep going.



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